If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
