i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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