So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
