A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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