make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
