There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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