Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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