I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
