Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
