with your own penis?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Randomize
