the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
