Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I have post one night stand depression
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