3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
