So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
