If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
