From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We are all done wearing pants today
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
