And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
only you would photoshop your dick
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
