mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
