And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
