this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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