I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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