I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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