is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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