I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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