What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
