Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
