I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
