I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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