I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
