hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
