I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I touched a dick in church today
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