but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
