my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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