they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
