I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
