Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
