he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
