i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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