If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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