she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
