Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
