I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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