Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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