Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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