plz talk dirty to me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
