grandma shit on top of the toilet
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
