like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
