TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
