If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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