just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
