It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
