a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Two words: nipple clamps
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